I am a fragmentary being with a colourful,
different, volatile, incongruent, dyslexic almost world in my head. An
uncountable amalgam of automated activities. A static noise bearing all sorts
of thoughts, memories, fears, ideas, fragments of reality, overlapping images.
Different voices, background music, various focuses, hidden pains. Like a solar
explosion, sometimes there is a word or a sound emerging in full power
splatting the conscious mind. Last time it came out loud and clear.
As if someone was slowly turning on a
radio deep inside. And, that out-of-music morphine
kept running and running for long, at different intensities. The same word, but
different voices bearing other meanings each time; and at last, the way out of
this labyrinth was to focus the rhythmic patterns of drums. You had been there in the middle of a live concert, and probably,
that morphine having been hit my deep
level of subconscious mind was at first gently passing through your body, your
cells before landing on other remote places. You have that kind of pull, like
gravity, keeping things on their right orbit.
In the end, it is not about time,
but paths. And like that, I became suddenly aware that in my dreams, I have
never seen or heard watches, but sometimes I dreamt maps. I remembered that I
was looking at a map and drawing with my fingers the path to take, to reach the
same unknown point outside the boundaries of map. Therefore, it was me heading south,
and you heading north and deciding to meet I don’t know when and I don’t know how
somewhere in the west.
You are there in different shapes,
way too different to ever recognize you. Disclose yourself. Whisper me a hint.
And, the hint was there all the time, but in fact, I was so afraid I might lose
everything forever the moment it was poured into words. But there were no
words. Only a hug from behind, close and intimate, and completely unexpected.
For those few mind-created milliseconds, I felt safe. Gently touching your arm,
I closed my eyes, and tried to save a file storing the warmth of your skin.
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