I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts were
running to and fro. As if they were following the annoying electric buzz that I
could hear into the dark. I opened the TV and I absently watched an episode of
a series I used to like. Insomnia. Velocity of random thoughts. People don't
learn; people don't change. But you did. You're a freak. Yeah. But me. I’m
just one of those idiots that got some insight about themselves [...] did
nothing about it. That’s who I am. Sometimes, you sleep with tigers but
that’s not a deep sleep. No, it’s just resting close to the inner demons.
When you think you’ve just tamed them, their teeth are deep on your skin. But
scratches are too deep in the flesh of mind to touch them and caress until the
pain is gone. Stray dogs kept barking outside. What were they barking about?
While
I was lying still on the floor I remembered. Any woman should walk barefoot
10 cm above all the dustup. Any woman should have an imponderable
connection with this deceiving world. Apart and within. And all the other words
of that page I read some time ago started wonderfully flowing out and running.
Out of my house. On the staircase. Out of the block. On the streets. I looked
up within the shelves of my hyperkinetic mind, I recalled and enjoyed. I might
talk to myself. I wish I could to talk to myself. It would be a wonderful
pleasure: to open my mouth and utterly tumble myself out of it. Such a
strange feeling. As if, I would have been reborn from a conceptual womb of
vowels and consonants. Totally new, totally different. With a new path embedded
within the skin and cells. Coming out into sight through the nerves’ texture. So
I raised my hand. And my index finger started growing long and lean up to the
ceiling. Getting through it, shifting the pattern, dissolving it into large window. There are
fuzzy clouds. And the air is dense and foggy. When I turned my head I could see
your eyes closed and I felt your breath near my shoulder, your waved hazel hair
all over the pillow. And I’m so heavy and thick that every little move may
cause an earthquake. I just stayed still and confused, looking at you. Wasn’t I
on the floor… ?!
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